Reflections

Life has a funny way of slowly slinking past you until one day you look up and a month has gone by. Birthdays and Holidays flash past in a fast paced tango and before you know it half the year has gone by and you are sitting on your bed reading through your Facebook Memories about what you were doing on this exact day 6 years ago. Well, maybe thats just me but you get the point. Life has a way of swishing past you like a grandma doing her fast walk at the mall and sometimes it takes the big moments for you to actually stop and reflect.

Think about it, how many times as day do you just simply sit where you are and reflect? If you are like me you usually spend your days cramming information into your overfilled brain all the while wondering what to make for dinner and what you will be wearing the next day. It is so easy to get lost in the motion of things, the every day worries. The outfit, food, weight, exercise worries. Then when a holiday rolls around or some major life moment comes to life you are able to finally look back and see where you have been and hopefully where you are going.

Tomorrow is my bridal shower. In exactly 15 days almost to the hour I will be marrying the love of my life. These things finally hit me today. I know, I know its a little last minute but its just how I roll. Going from finals week to instantly rolling into the full time summer gig I have, the days just zoomed by. But taking some time to stop and reflect tonight, the night before the shower I am just now realizing how far I have come. I would like to say that I have come to this reflection  by myself but, like most of my peers I would have to give that credit to facebook. Scrolling through my facebook memories I saw that three years ago today I was posting high school graduation pics with short hair and old friends. Four years ago I was rocking an orange shirt and a red pimple at my step brothers graduation party with my siblings. Two years ago I was offering someone a million dollars to find those iced animal crackers, it was a weird time. Five years ago I was dancing and walking in relay for life  with black nails and a short jean skirt. Needless to say I have come a longggg way. Looking back on all these random things that happened in my life throughout the years on a random day in June gives me perspective and excitement for the future.  Long gone are the jean skirts and pimples. Instead white pencil skirts and a trusted face wash take their place. My siblings have all grown older, I have fallen in love, moved away from home, graduated with an associates and continued onto my dream school where I am currently working toward my dream career. So many things have happened and time is flying so fast. So, I have a little word of advice for you my friends where ever you may be out there. Take some time to review, reflect and enjoy your memories. Call up that old friend from graduation and reminisce about growing up. Visit that park you always went too as a kid. Dont get so caught up in the everyday worries and learn to focus on the bigger picture. Find the old photo album, search through your laptop or break out the facebook. Whatever you do, dont let the big moments and holidays be the only time you reflect and reminisce.

The Main Thing is to Not Get Excited

Aside

hey i missed you today.

I missed having the ability to watch my problems evaporate when your easy laugh wafted through the room.

I missed the way that you would hold my hand in the middle of the night because I was afraid, Lord knows I wish you were here to hold my hand now, because my problems and fears have only gotten bigger and scarier as I cross this path into adulthood.

I missed the way you would have told me you were proud of me and hugged me as I got my first college diploma.

I missed you sitting in your favorite chair turning around and smiling at me as I came to visit your house.

I felt you today.

I felt you today as the warm sun shined down through the trees on the path I was hiking. In the way the daisy’s lined my trail just like the ones we would pick together when I was small.

I felt you today as I drove down sun drenched country roads as the wind whipped through my hair.

I felt you today as I sat by the campfire on a chilly spring night and stared up at the stars that you taught me the names of.

The End of My First Journey.

As December swiftly runs past us and we begin to feel the weight of the year we are all about to leave, I have to say it packs more of a punch this year than it usually does. Today is my final day at my first college. Today is my final day at an awesome job that I have had for more than two years. Today is the tie up loose ends, say goodbye to everyone, and remembrance kind of day. When writing a couple of emails to a couple of people for a couple of things I have to clear up before I leave, I was written back almost immediately by one. And it read “Thanks for the update, Ashley. Congratulations on your graduation and best of luck on the next part of your journey!.” Which, made me realize that today I am completing the first part of my journey. And, isn’t that just terrifying and breathtaking and confusing and humbling. All this hard work and changing my mind and challenging myself actually accounted for something. I came to this school, got a new job, and once I graduate I wont be back. Today is the end of my first journey.

This part of the journey that is coming to a completion today, I believe, was about growing up, figuring myself out a little bit more, and learning to trust my instincts. Right before I got this job and began school I moved out on my own. I went from living with a rather large, loud and rambunctious family of seven to a small, quiet place with just me and my best friend. I also went from a soft little town with bright stars and limited dreams, to a booming downtown city where the dreams where massive and stars impossible to see. I also started college, got a new job and changed my major. Which, as one could only imagine lead to may tear filled nights, lost days and confusing choices. As you could also imagine, I had to pick up the run of the mill adult stuff like paying my bills on time, how expensive heat can be, how to not burn your apartment down, and how costly groceries are. But, I also learned the more meaningful value of being an adult. Things like learning to trust in yourself, having to make hard decisions, never letting fear stop me from attacking my dreams, and of course that you are never to old to call your mother crying asking for help.

Not only have I learned a lot about my somewhat new role of being an adult, I have learned a lot more about myself on a personal level. I learned that I am only responsible for myself and my actions, that happiness comes from within, and the true importance of being a good friend. I have learned to forgive even if someone has not apologized, learned to put faith in myself and the abilities I have and, that above all else my family is the most important thing in the world. I have learned that I love the bustling of a downtown area and plan on living in New York City one day. I have learned that I also require time outside where I can spend a moment figuring myself out. I have learned that yoga helps my clear my head, exercise keeps me from wanting to punch people, and eating healthy is a value that is important to me. I have learned that communication and trust are the most important things in a relationship and that learning to live with someone you love is a challenge but it is so worth it. I have learned that I love brunch on Sundays and sleeping in late on Saturdays and weekends filled with food, friends and laughter. I have learned the kind of movies I like to watch, the books I like to read, and the music I enjoy listening to. I have learned that while it is absolutely terrifying to go to school for something that you love, in the end, with hard work, determination, and never taking no for an answer it will all be worth it. I have learned so much about myself and the person I want to be. As the year is coming to a close and the curtain is abut to close I realize that today is the end of an era. The end of my very first journey. It has come with its fair share of hardships challenges and obstacles but, I have made some hilarious memories, wonderful new friends, and instilled an unshakable faith in myself. Soon I will be off to my last school with a new job and new sights in store.

Saturday Morning

Its amazing what you can miss when you sleep in on a rainy Saturday. Apparently, from what I saw last weekend, there is an abundance of life and thriving activity in the community well before noon on this sleepy day. See, I myself and my fiance are college students so, as soon as we get the chance we sleep in well past breakfast. But, with a mix between interest in checking out the farmers market nearby, and the need to breath in outside air after this horrid and bone chilling winter, I set my alarm for 10 am. Of course when my phone began loudly chiming with an electronic sound that sliced through my sleepy dreams, I walked through the deep haze of Saturday mornings toward the loud, buzzing annoyance. Though the rain tapping on the window created a perfect drumbeat almost chanting for me to get back into the comfort of my bed, I was determined. I slipped on my favorite sweater dress, wrapped my hair up in a head scarf and headed for the strange, outside world known as Saturday mornings. With the soft showers and the calmness of a gray sky I was not expecting to see much activity when I was driving toward the market. But, to my amazement there were people, and they were everywhere. I saw people outside gardening, people landscaping churches and community gardens. I saw a group of men in dark trench coats and hats painting over the artwork left on the side of a robin red building. I saw kids and adults and seniors buying fresh produce and supporting local business. Though the rain fell, I saw hundreds of people bettering my community. I saw people shopping at local markets and raising money for charity. I saw old couples holding hands and people selling homemade honey soap and police officers directing traffic. I saw people walking with destinations and kids asking their parents why its important to buy organic. All on a rainy Saturday morning. I suppose why this was so fascinating and mind blowing was because, as most people do time to time I thought the world revolved around me. If I took part in the late afternoon sleeping on Saturdays, then the rest of the world must as well. If I fell victim to the hypnotic chanting of rain on my window, then everyone else must have too, right? It is amazing what you miss when you sleep in on a rainy Saturday. You see people bettering the community, supporting local businesses, and children learning how to lead a healthy lifestyle. I suggest that, you venture out one Saturday morning and see what your city has in store. The atmosphere just very well may inspire you like it did me. Because, its amazing what you miss when you sleep in on a rainy Saturday. Image

The Future

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The Future

Who knows exactly where we are headed in life. All I know are these things. All I know is that I want to move people and more importantly move myself. I want to love on a large scale and love myself on a larger one. I want to do things with so much heart that no one can repay me for.I want to travel the entire world and in turn be thankful for everything in mine. I want to be remembered as the girl who was always smiling and the one who never gave up.I want to forgive the people whom don’t ask for it. I want to write until my hands wont allow me to do so anymore and I want to take photographs and videos to remember the wonderful life I have been given when my memory doesn’t cut it. I want to make my family proud and more importantly I want to be proud of myself. I may not know where I am headed exactly, but I sure do know what I’m after.

Summer Semester

As this semester rounds up, the papers are being submitted and the exams handed out, I have to say that I am ready. This is the last semester of my freshman year of college. The transition was rough, the ride interesting and the future promising. I have learned so many things since the start of my college career. I found out what type of classes I enjoy most, and I have a firmer understanding of what I want to do with my life. I learned how to begin to live away from your family, one the hardest lessons thus far. I also have a stronger hold on who I am as a person. As the last remnants of the high school days left my eyes, it made them far clearer. I was able to see which people will follow along beside me in life, and the ones who won’t. I was able to see what I really wanted in many different aspects of my life. I was able to decide who I wanted and who I needed in my life. Over all I became an adult. I moved out, and away from the town that never quit fit right. I got a new job, made new friends, and began to realize that I have the whole world at my feet. The things I can do and the places I can go are endless. I was able to mature on another level as I was submerged into the mysterious world I had always heard my mother refer to as ‘reality’.