Life has a funny way of slowly slinking past you until one day you look up and a month has gone by. Birthdays and Holidays flash past in a fast paced tango and before you know it half the year has gone by and you are sitting on your bed reading through your Facebook Memories about what you were doing on this exact day 6 years ago. Well, maybe thats just me but you get the point. Life has a way of swishing past you like a grandma doing her fast walk at the mall and sometimes it takes the big moments for you to actually stop and reflect.
Think about it, how many times as day do you just simply sit where you are and reflect? If you are like me you usually spend your days cramming information into your overfilled brain all the while wondering what to make for dinner and what you will be wearing the next day. It is so easy to get lost in the motion of things, the every day worries. The outfit, food, weight, exercise worries. Then when a holiday rolls around or some major life moment comes to life you are able to finally look back and see where you have been and hopefully where you are going.
Tomorrow is my bridal shower. In exactly 15 days almost to the hour I will be marrying the love of my life. These things finally hit me today. I know, I know its a little last minute but its just how I roll. Going from finals week to instantly rolling into the full time summer gig I have, the days just zoomed by. But taking some time to stop and reflect tonight, the night before the shower I am just now realizing how far I have come. I would like to say that I have come to this reflection by myself but, like most of my peers I would have to give that credit to facebook. Scrolling through my facebook memories I saw that three years ago today I was posting high school graduation pics with short hair and old friends. Four years ago I was rocking an orange shirt and a red pimple at my step brothers graduation party with my siblings. Two years ago I was offering someone a million dollars to find those iced animal crackers, it was a weird time. Five years ago I was dancing and walking in relay for life with black nails and a short jean skirt. Needless to say I have come a longggg way. Looking back on all these random things that happened in my life throughout the years on a random day in June gives me perspective and excitement for the future. Long gone are the jean skirts and pimples. Instead white pencil skirts and a trusted face wash take their place. My siblings have all grown older, I have fallen in love, moved away from home, graduated with an associates and continued onto my dream school where I am currently working toward my dream career. So many things have happened and time is flying so fast. So, I have a little word of advice for you my friends where ever you may be out there. Take some time to review, reflect and enjoy your memories. Call up that old friend from graduation and reminisce about growing up. Visit that park you always went too as a kid. Dont get so caught up in the everyday worries and learn to focus on the bigger picture. Find the old photo album, search through your laptop or break out the facebook. Whatever you do, dont let the big moments and holidays be the only time you reflect and reminisce.
I lay here on this leather couch, the sun just set, the stars are rising in the sky. The light from the moon begins to slowly spill through the open shutters and the room becomes filled, ocean deep in a soft glow. We lay together, you and me, just the way it works best. There we are, smothered in moonlight in that quiet room clinging to each other, too afraid of what would happen if we let go. If I open my eyes will you have just been a sweet and perfect dream? The kind of dream that leaves you breathless, the kind that takes you hours to separate from? Will the long walks by the river and the warm summer sunsets drift away like all my other dreams. If I breathe too loudly will I blow all of this away like a child blows a freshly picked dandelion in the summer time, will you have just been my single wish? If I blink will our lives flash before me too rapidly for me to stop it? Will I flash forward and miss all this life has to offer us? If I fall asleep will I wake to us in our old age laying in the warn in, butter cream sheets in the home we have had for 50 years? We cling to each other because we are too afraid of what would happen if we let go. My breath begins to quicken and I feel your grasp on me grow tighter, are you thinking of this too? I want to sink in the cold,crisp ocean with you, and drink the tartest wine in Italy, I want to get a sunburn in the Caribbean and never stop holding your hand. I want to fall asleep under the perfect set of stars, and dance in the middle of the street, no street in particular, just about all of them. I want to smell your cologne on your neck and run away to Paris for awhile. I want our laughter to fill the quiet streets on a cold night, I want to get lost in the jungle and, meet every member of your family. I want to build a million tents and see a million places and be with only you. I have a full life planned for you and I, don’t let me go.
Seeing the ball drop on new years was always a must do for me. Juka (My then boyfriend) promised me on my couch, new years eve of 2013 that next year that would be us. We would be the ones out there under the confetti and singing with Frank Sinatra about one of the coolest places on earth. Me, of course thinking he was all talk. He surprised me a couple months before December of 2013 saying that this was for real, he was going to take me to the city of my dreams on the best night of the year. Or, as he put it “The first day I met you, one of the very first things you said to me was that your dream was to see New York and I swore to myself that day that when I could, I would make that dream come true”, I know, I know I found a great one. So Juka and I came in a few days early to New York. We spent the days seeing the 9/11 Memorial, the Statue of liberty and of course Rockefeller center. Around 2 pm New years eve (this year) we took our spots. Yes you read that right, two pm, and if you can count that means we were outside for a hearty ten hours. We had thought that we had dressed warmly, but after a few hours we almost threw in the towel. If it wasn’t for Jukas constant “we cant turn back now” chant I don’t know if I would have made it after I lost the feeling in my feet. It even started snowing! We actually met some fellow Ohioans (OH!) and they were nice enough to share their pizza with us. Because of course like almost everyone else down there we were incredibly unprepared. As you can imagine ten hours doesn’t creep by slowly even when you are in one of the most magical places on earth. But, I would not have rather been down there in the perfect spot with anyone else. We passed the hours jumping, squatting, laughing, and shivering, and of course hugging for warmth. One of the hugs I felt something square under his jacket and when I asked him what it was he quickly responded with “Um my wallet and stuff”. When everyone was up and ready, it was within the hour that we had all been waiting for, the nivea balloons were passed out and we all got a pair of spider man gloves. A minute before the ball drop I hear Juka say something to me so I turn around to find him down on one knee and my very best friend asked me to marry him, right there on the disgustingly dirty streets of times square. I immediately put the ring on my finger, covered my mouth, and rapidly nodded yes. Just then the count down began, and I would try to explain what it feels like to be newly engaged, standing in one of the coolest places on earth, and chanting down the coming of a new year with millions of people, but I cant really find the words. When the ball was down and the fireworks began, the square became covered in a rainbow of confetti just as I had dreamed it would. We hugged, we cried, we screamed and then we took off for the subway to get the heck out of there. While it took me about an hour to feel my limbs again, I defiantly wouldn’t have changed going. I mean I probably wont go again, but hey it was an amazing once in a lifetime experience. In the middle of Times square I got engaged to a man that I only dreamed existed.
There is something miraculously romantic about the way the warm butter creme light flows from my bedside lamp and tucks itself into every page of my book. The way the light smooths the rough edges of the room and the rough edges of my day. The way in shifts back and fourth, until it finds the perfect place to lay, until it covers the carpets, the quilted blankets. the closets and me. There is something so romantic about the way that candle light dances across my skin and the way it uses my bedroom wall to spend the night doing the Charleston like the flappers of history’s past. And the way that the crisp sweetness of apple fills the room and fills the stories. The way it folds you into itself, and makes you feel at home. There is something so romantic about the way that the words flow off my page and place me in the story. The smells, the people, the way the world looks. The way it sends me on a private trip to a place far away. Far away from my butter creme lamp, from the dancing candle, from today.