The News

The past few weeks, or months really have had there ups and downs. With the feeling of constant stiffness and joint pain, I had to return to my doctor where tests after tests afters tests were run, where I was told that most likely I had Rheumatoid arthritis. Confused and scared, while awaiting my test results, my days quickly became filled with research, denial, and tears. Being stressed with school, and an overabundance of homework plus the possibility of having a chronic disease, really has a way of making you have a break down. As I was hurriedly trying to complete an essay, I happened to miss the call from my doctor. Of course I frantically called back, only the voice I heard on the other end wasn’t my doctor, it was an answering machine. Last night, in the arms of the man I love I completely lost it.  The desire to know what was happening to me, completely consumed my very being. It was all I could think about, all I wanted to know, all I NEEDED to know. An over abundance of questions popping in your head all at once tends to make the fighting back of tears impossible. What would happen to me, was it worse that I thought, was it the end of all I knew? These were merely a few of the millions of questions that kept me up last night. Last night I prayed a prayer full of tears and begging and worry. I did the all famous movie move where you call out and ask if anyone is there, if anyone would please help me, because, simply, I couldn’t do it on my own.

Well today I got the news, today they contacted my mom. 

While I will have to get my blood tests retaken in 3 months, and I will have to stay on this pain medicine for awhile, they found that I have very low Vitamin D and Iron. This of course can be helped my vitamins, and they may very well be the only cause of my problems. Vitamins, that may be it. Today, I feel like I can breathe. Whoever worked a little magic for me up there, and whoever listened, which I have a feeling is God, Thanks for pulling through for me on this one. I really needed you.

Things I Love,

Places that serve breakfast all day,

When it’s cloudy and rains all day,

Holding hands,

Old diners,

Being Intelligent,


Polka dots,

Old pictures,

A good long drive with the windows down,

Music that says something,

When it’s warm at night time,

Being kissed,

Old bicycles,

Being alone,


Getting all dolled up,


Not being able to put a book down,


Black and white,

When little children speak their minds,

Red lipstick,

Fuzzy blankets,

Being surrounded by the ones I love,


Seeing something or some place I have never seen before,

Christmas time,

Being in love,


Movies that make me cry (from laughter or sadness),


Laughing until my stomach aches,

Getting a great find in a thrift store,

Meeting new people,


Handwritten letters,

Treating people with respect,


Old friends,

Ellen DeGeneres,

Doing something for the first time,

Sleeping in on Sundays,

Holiday socks,

Helping people,

Dogs in bandanas ,

Art galleries,

Being told I’m beautiful,


Seeing the world,


When strangers smile at you,

Taking pictures,

My family. 

When Is it ok to ‘have a bad day?’

After sitting through another lovely sociology class, I am yet again let to ponder not only my life, but the billions of lives around me. As my favorite class begins, we are about the start the topic of gender, aka my FAVORITE sociological subject so far. Before we start the topic though, we are shown a video called ‘Opium Brides’.

As the short documentary begins, I am not really sure as what to expect. But with the progression of the film, my heart breaks right alongside it. This was the very real and very actual tale of many a problems in the Afghanistan area. But it bowls down to one major problem. Women, girls really, are still being reduced to nothing more than property. When their fathers can’t pay back the drug lords, they simply come in and steal their little daughter, some merely 7 years old. These little girls are being dealt the worst. Forced to work in the fields, beaten for no reason, and the worst of the worst of sexual abuse.

Today, in America, we tend to simply ignore what does not concern us. If it is not happening in my back yard, then it must not really be happening. And, unfortunately kids at every age, are never even taught to care. We have no schooling opportunities to even try to learn about anyone but ourselves. We are taught from a very young age to simply worry about ourselves. We are also taught that that things like the trading of women as property are long gone, a worry of the past. So, when we find out this is an every day occurrence we are flabbergasted. For some we watch it and it our daily routines quickly swallow up the 30 minute video we watched in class, but for some, like myself, our hearts break. We are awakened to an entire new version of the world, one we were never shown before. And, more importantly, those few are filled with the desire to learn more, and learn of ways to help.

My heart goes out to all the helpless women out there, all the young girls who will never get a chance. All the children who are in a broken family and will never relish in what we know as the simple pleasures of life. My heart breaks for the children that will never know a childhood, for the families that are on the run, and the countries that are still yet to recognize that sexual abuse to women is an actual reality of far too many. I pray for the ones who will never know the potential they have in the world, and the school they will never go too. My heart is with these women every second of every day. As a women, and more importantly as a human being, please take a moment to reflect on the much larger world, and do all you can to help. There is nothing too small, simply recognizing that there are still women out there who are abused every single day and taken away from their families, because they are worth much less than property, is something so large in itself. So the next time the barista  at Starbucks gets your order wrong, you are stuck in traffic, or you bought a shirt that shrunk in the wash, remember that you are so very blessed. Millions of people in this crazy world would have their absolute best days of their lives on your worst.

Maybe Romeo and Juliet would have had a better ending if they made it Facebook Official


On speaking to my roommate today our usual conversation of her maybe, kind of, could be boyfriend, continued. We have spent weeks and days gossiping and talking about topic, it didn’t cross my mind that it was even the slightest bit odd, that the confusion of his feelings toward her where simply brought on by something so common. Of course he paid on dates, they even went on dates in the first place, they talked non stop, and he made her feel beautiful. What then, you might ask, would have us so confused. If he showed her affection and made time for her, then why would we question his feelings?  He held her hand in public, and would put an arm around her on the usual double dates to roosters, but something was off. Well, of course he hasn’t yet asked her to be Facebook official. Ahhhh, the all famous phrase, all too many people, including myself, use today. If he doesn’t want to make it Facebook official, does he REALLY even like her, what is he really up too? Has Facebook turned every woman into a FBI Criminal minds analyst? Has making it ‘Facebook official’ made countless women overlook the actual feelings that a man truly has? Has the worrisome journey to try and make a man feel that he must bring up the concept, made us throw actual dating out the window? We women complain on a daily basis that their aren’t enough gentlemen left in the world, but have we scared them all away with our never ending desire to post our could be fairy tale love online?

I think it all bowls down to the generation of today. Fifty years ago, if he brought you flowers, held the door open for you, and kissed you goodnight with the promise of a later date, that would make your world. Today, not so much. We add him on Facebook the night before, and stalk like it was going out of style. We would begin to text them and if they don’t instantly reply, that was it, they either died or they left us for someone else. There is no mystery left in this world, and if he is the slightest bit mysterious, we assume he is a murderer, because I mean what else could be the explanation for someone not posting a status update every 20 minutes.  Today we must know everything that is going on, what he thinks of us and why. Fifty years ago they wrote letters and hoped their love would return them. They didn’t worry about whether he was outside mowing the lawn or what his cat was doing at that exact moment. Today. we have all even coined a phrase ‘ If you really love me then post it on Facebook.’ We spend most of our time consumed with the idea of what someone is thinking about us. What that kid in math class thinks about me, what the cashier in Kroger thinks about me, what the next door neighbor really thinks about me. So its comes as no real shock that if we are worried about what the mailman may think about us, how crazy we will act towards someone whom we really care about. Must we have some sort of online proof that he has declared his profound love for us, I doubt we would even take the all famous declaration of love at the base of our balcony anymore. If your true love was standing outside your window on a foggy night to profess his love, would you call down to him begging he come inside and write it on Facebook instead, so Becky could see how much better your relationship is than hers? Why is it simply so hard for us to enjoy something, like love, by ourselves. Why can we no longer be self assured that he loves us because he tells us, not because he wrote it on my wall today.  If he loves you and shows that he cares about you, isn’t that enough?  Has technology changed the  very idea of romance?

If he takes you out to dinner, talks about the future, and makes your heart beat like it did in the 3rd grade when your crush gave you a dinosaur valentine, do you keep him even if he doesn’t show an interest in the golden token of a public relationship?